Scars

My mind distracted.
Thinking about him, i scribbled on a piece of paper.
I coloured in the holes.
Picked it up and it read ' BASTARD'.
I was not at ease. Couldn't work. Tried to read more into what i was doing at work. Tried to learn the meaning of the term Bill of Lading as its something to do with what my work involves. Read the first line.. as i began to read the second.. my mind started to drift off. Wondering why am i feeling this way. Im supposed to feel angry, revengeful. but all is aching.
Im in pain.
I have done so many things. was it all for nothing?!
When will this ache go away?
Why do i feel like i've got nothing left.
Where are you when i need you??
Im screaming, does no one hear my cry?

happy 11th month

old scars, open wounds, go deeper, the pain and torture..continues. there is no end to this. there wasn't a begining. he laid with another. and with her and the same time. the one in pain had no clue. and he just kept on laying with others.. and he continued to pretend that she was the only one he laid with. to her anyway.. she believed it. months passed. he may have stopped for awhile. but it was never truly over and done with with the others. she knew about the others though.. found one.. then another. couldn't really prove it. until it hit him in the face. he knew that if she found out nothing would be the same. it may seem that this man may not have told her all this because he was afraid to lose her. but no! he didn't tell her because he still wanted to see those women. he continued his relations with those other women. 'keep us a secret' he'd tell em. for one night they'd meet again when his supposed girlfriend is out of town. she continues to see him. people tell her. you're stupid he will never change. but she had no one. she's in a pickle you could say. he told her things would change when she found a note of him and one of his lovers exchanging sexual emotions. that he didn't mean a word he said. but the thing was.. it was the truth. he did lay with her.. so what didn't he mean? he promised her things then for he had said he didn't want to lose her. it seemed believable. however all broken promises. one after another.. it just kept coming. she knew he didn't mean a word and just wanted to hurt him so bad. but how could she? she would go mad after that. she loved him. she ached inside on finding the news. she really believed she was the only one. trusted him. believed his proken promises. was always let down but still believed in him. what was she to do. she had no one to turn to. and this time she really didn't.

-someone close to me inspired me to write this. thank u.

Hopeless Case

Can't wait till this is over.
how could i be so foolish to thinkim the only one.
ofcourse there are others
and if not others
atleast one- the slut
the worst part is
i can't do anything about it
just sit and watch what happens
what is going on while he sees me
and her behind my back
is there no end to this?
yes there will be
one day
without no knowledge.
what can i say?
we were never together in the first place
so if i leave.. it would make no difference
cuz even if i was there
i wasn't

i know this doesn't make any sense.
so just ignore it.

how can u hurt when you have never loved?