Peeps Dear to Me

Post Confirmation Camp at Isi Rimba.

Spent two days, one night at Isi Rimba on 18th and 19 of November 2006 and thank god for that. Just couldn't stand being away from home. On the first day the camp was so darn tiring and we all thought it was about to get worse. Had a really long jungle track where we had to cook rice and fish in the middle of nowhere. Then we had to eat what we cooked which was nothing so 10 people(no. of people in my group) had to starve. But the people of the area felt some sympathy for us and gave rice with egg and vegee. After about two hours it began to rain. The guys from my group thinking they're so macho didn't build a shelter thining we can withstand it. Well i was freaking cold, started shaking and good thing dear old Aaron was there to hug. When that day was done i was so glad.

Well the second day was much better. Woke up, got cleaned and did our morning prayers in silence...quite funny actually. After our meditation we did some exercise and went for the obstacle course. When that was done we just couldn't wait to get into the river and have our bath. Soon left for church with good memories in our hearts....man this sounds like some composition!

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When you can't have something/someone you know you've just got to give up and move on right. or get another one which is as much as satisfying as the original one. But some assholes (not naming anyone) will just keep going after either not knowing that you don't want them or wateva untill you get those sick images in your head and you feel so disgusted with him/her whenever they're around. Thats what i had to go through just to help a friend out. Buying gifts is so not gonna help win someones heart. And talking shit about her friends behind their backs is deffinitely not going to work. Which will make matters worse. I was stupid at first to believe what you had said about someone i really cared for but after some time i knew you just said those things to keep my mind off that person. Wanting to get my attention. Well too bad and thank you for doing that cause i saw you for what you reallie were you helpless bastard! you said you had former girlfriends but it never worked out well i think i know why. They only get together with you for your money. And after they've got all that they want they'll ditch you. or w/. well good riddens. Thank goodness i didn't make that mistake. maybe i should have just held on a bit longer, used you and then leave you hangin there. but i just couldn't take it anymore when i saw that you've got no manners and respect towards girls. wats wrong with you, you helpless piece of sh*t.

Drifting Apart

Thought i had everything. Friends, Family, Love. But now its all slowly drifting away. The thing is that i have no clue what's going on. Sometimes i feel like their (besties) better off without me. Nowadays they dont even keep in contact with me. They don't bother to call when im ill or when im not around for days. Do they even care how i feel? Im starting to think not. Before it was just two of us. Then it became three. By this time i was invincible. The two of them would walk off together leaving me by my lonesome. When another one joined in i felt quite happy for atleast i had someone to talk to. But my first bestie began to feel left out because we were all hanging out with the latest one who had just joined us. When she had consulted me about it i told her i felt the same way about the first one. things soon started to look up. But now it looks like its back to the way it was when i was excluded. But im used to it now. Used to being left out. Used to rejections. Used to being used. Nothing new to cry about these days. People will hurt you one way or the other. No use of wasting your tears on them. Even when they say sorry...there will always be a time when they were never sorry at all. Anyone can say it. You can just never tell whether they mean it or not. Trust me, they will hurt you over and over again. All you gotta do is just shut them out of your life. For me, it'll be hard. Time will tell if im doing the right thing. Live without them...maybe not. But i've gotta try.

What guys don't know but need to.

When i run away from you
-Follow me

When i pout my lips
-Kiss me

When i kick
-Hug me tight

When i call you crazy
-I'm crazy about you

When i'm silent
-Im thinking of how to say i love you

When i ignore you
-I want all your attention

When i pull away
-Grab me by the waist and tell me you'll never let me go

When you see me at my worst
-Tell me im beautiful

When i scream
-Tell me you love me

When you see me walking
-Sneek up behind and hug me

If i dont call you
-Im waiting by the phone for your call

When i say i dont care
-I do care

When im scared
-Hold me tight

When i look like something's the matter
-Kiss me and tell me everything's alrite

When i hold your hands
-Play with my fingers